Destruction

There was some concept floating a around in my mind of a beautiful and glorified picture of sanctification, like a monk beating himself. Now it scares me. 'Sanctification' sounds sweet and holy and pious but it is God destroying us and slowly, painfully striping us of our little securities that we decided at some point were none of His business. We are very clever at deceiving our selves.

I have more than a few of those false expectations about who I am and what my life would be like. God is mercifully destroying my world, but in the place of my Babylon he is building something new. I can only say I have learned a few things so far; God is good, he is always active and has good intentions. He does not always allow us to see the future. He lets us make decisions. He never lets us stop growing. His timing is not always our timing (the unknowing and darkness usually lasts longer than we like). Its ok not to know things and be confused. It is ok to not be happy. It is ok to say with David,

Look away from me, that I may enjoy life again
    before I depart and am no more (Psalm 39:13).

In the end all that matters is that we say

And now, oh Lord, for what do I wait?
my hope is in you (Psalm 39:7) 


I suppose that is called faith, not knowing what God is doing but trusting He is good.


So, in faith I married Christopher. At some point in time after being disappointed and hurt over and over I began to realize that I had some lingering dream that I would marry someone who worshiped me. Instead I married another self-worshiper just like me. What a severe mercy. Then I realized that I hurt him and disappointed him. Then I slowly began discovering things about him I had never appreciated before, and I fell in love again. God is good.

So in faith I am moving to Detroit Michigan. Christopher got a job in the city the has always wanted to live in. Together we desire to simply love our neighbors, where ever we are. Right now it looks like that place is downtown Detroit. We are both excited about being around family again. It was a agonizing decision for me. I do not know what to expect, except that my subconscious expectations will again be destroyed. I suppose I am glad God does not give us all the details or let us know the future. Perhaps we would not go. For those of you reading this blog, please be praying for us.

Much of Detroit remains abandoned from the 'White Flight' in the 60s and 70s