Spokane And Chicago

"When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul."

As many of you know, Moody is a accredited bible school that has two campuses. The larger one in Chicago, that has been around since DL himself over 100 years ago. At this school there are about 2,500 students, a campus with dorms and quite a few majors (all having something to do with ministry or bible). This campus is established in tradition and can only take a limited number of students because of space.

Moody Spokane started out as a part of the missionary aviation program, training pilots. It began to take bible majors slowly only about five, ten, fifteen people were graduating. Over the course of years it still didn't expand this bible program. The group I went with was by far larger than anything they had done before at about 150. The next group, the one Elise is in, is about 250. So obviously, the program is expanding rapidly. This is due to the fact that in Spokane there is no campus and every one gets their own housing, classes are taught out of a semi-abandoned church. Students get their own housing and are expected to take care of themselves.

I had a wonderful experience in Spokane. I made good friends that I am still friends with, found a church that was more than awesome and ministry opportunity that I got really excited about. I experienced freedom of living on my own, working downtown and having luxurious long 4 day weekends. Learning about the bible there was exhilarating. Most of the time I was in Spokane I was in limbo over if I should continue to Chicago, which was the original plan. On more than one occasion I was convinced I should stay and almost called academic records to solidify it. But I was curious and figured since I had the chance to go to Chicago I had better take the step of faith and continue to see what God has for me elsewhere.

I wasn't sure what to expect in Chicago. I had a feeling I wouldn't like it as much as Spokane, but I trusted God and took the step. I ended up struggling in Chicago for all the reasons I thought I would. I didn't like dorms, I didn't like living at school, I didn't like the rules, the culture was suffocating, the community was too big to make deep connections. In general it struck me as a false environment and I felt like a fish out of water. I was forced back to Christ and I realized again and again that He must be my only treasure, I found myself needing to spend time with the Lord and in His word. During my year in Chicago I have slowly been reading the psalms and I can't even begin to say how much I have grown to depend upon the Bible because of what it says about God.

Towards the end of the semester I began to see bits of hope. I got involved in a church and a coffee shop that seemed to be doing the kind of mission to the city that I get passionate about. I decided to stay over the summer to see if I could get more connected to the city and this community I had found. I got a job at another coffee shop and figured that was another way to get involved in the community of Chicago. As the summer went on I stuck with the church but became increasingly convinced I could not fully commit in good conscience. The community was too content to let the Church be a Sunday event rather than a vibrant community of Christ followers looking to live in dangerous ways for His glory. I went back to school and decided to make the most of my experience at moody. I started looking for a new church. Then the coffee shop I worked at closed. I got burnt out of trying to make the best of Moody all the time and trying to be everyone's best friend and fell into a kind of depression. In many ways I felt like I was back to square one. I tried to throw myself into Chicago and get connected but I was frustrated with the school, burnt out, and not much more connected than I was when I first got here. I was forced back to Christ again, funny how he likes to do that.

I do not believe my happiness and effectiveness is dependant on my circumstances; because of God's work in my life he has made me to flourish wherever I am. It is well with my soul. My symbol for this period has been that of an anchor, Hebrews 6:19 says "we have this hope as a anchor for our soul, firm and secure." The hope that characterizes my life is the hope of being with God and nothing else.

Even though my happiness is not dependant on circumstances, I still feel the freedom to change my circumstances if it makes sense. At this point in my life everything was up in the air and I felt like God could do what ever he wanted to with my life. I was praying like crazy. I could see myself staying in Chicago and starting over, finding that awesome church, those people, that ministry. But I could just as much see myself leaving somewhere, anywhere. I prayed about Spokane and felt joy and peace when I thought about it (cheesy I know but it happens). I tried not to pay attention, staying seemed the safest decision. I was mostly decided to stick out this semester mostly for the sake of my roommate who I didn't want to abandon in the middle of the year, partly because I was afraid to do something new. At the same time I was unconvinced staying in Chicago would be the best for me.

I walk in to my room last night and my roommate gives me a concerned look. "I think I need to go to Spokane". She is finishing her associates degree but it is only offered in Spokane. I had mixed feelings of terror and elation. Elation because I knew I should go to Spokane. I knew that my life in Spokane was more free, balanced and laid back, the kind of environment I needed now. I was excited to trust God in going back. But I was also terrified to trust God. I have no idea what Spokane holds for me now, it is not going to be simply reliving a old experience. From the outside it could look like Moody Chicago defeated me, like I couldn't make it work. This is absolutely not the case, I don't regret coming or anything I did here. God has used it to teach me who I am in Him, that He is my greatest treasure and that He fulfills all my needs.

God has made every person uniquely and I have learned that I am more creative, loving, balanced and more ready to learn under minimal structure. I could stay in Chicago, but living on my own in a real community will hopefully provide me some of the peace and freedom I need right now to learn more about God and myself. I am looking forward to living in a smaller community, a real house, working and building relationships intentionally but naturally. Much of what I think about 'ministry' has been changing (more to come in the next post) and Moody Spokane along with Vintage church gives more flexibility to live out some of these ideas. Needless to say, I am thrilled to see what God has for me in this new phase of life.

I do not regret a moment I spent here or any of the relationships I made. I will miss the city and it is still my favorite city in the world so far. I will miss the unspeakably amazing people I have met here, each of whom I value deeply and who God has put into my life right when I needed them.